Gone in an Instant
by Venka le fay
Summary: A collection of point of views and emotional struggles about the events in "Power Inside Her".
1. Leo

Gone in an Instant!

A/N: Hello everyone, it's been a while since I have put up a fic. Lately, I've been going through some things such as working my Zazzle Shop, looking for a job, making sure I have some work done on my teeth. And I am currently working on a project with some friends so I've been swearing off fic writing until my current bit is done. I'm just writing this fic to give my thoughts on the recent ep. I loved Power Inside Her a lot, but like many people I also felt there could be more going on with the Turtles. After all, this was their own brother that they just witnessed getting destroyed in front of their very eyes. While yes, they wouldn't have been able to grieve for long as they did still have to break April free from Za-Noran's control either by redeeming her or if it had to come to that slaying her. So realistically the impact of the loss itself would have likely happened later, once everything was over. And even Donnie being revived would not have made any anxiety this situation would have invoked any less painful. The fact it happened at all would have been distressful to everyone on some level including the people who weren't there to witness it.

The fact is this was someone who was a brother and friend. This was someone they had spent their whole lives with, talked with, trained alongside, fought alongside, and in a single instant he is gone. The impact of this could have been heavier if the remaining turtles and Casey had flashbacks much like April had when Raph told her to remember Donnie. Some good examples of such memories are Donnie and Casey working on that car in the farmhouse, Raph giving Donnie all the credit for saving April's dad, or Mikey hugging Donnie in Fungus Humongous. Or even some those 2D flashback stills that could be expanded upon later either in the show itself or by fan speculation such as childhood memories.

As usual, I don't own Ninja Turtles. TMNT belongs to its respective creators. Please support the official release.

* * *

It was a vision that just wouldn't leave his mind. They had just been thrown off the roof of the Channel 6 building. Fortunately, his brothers and himself had their grappling hooks so they were able to spare themselves from a fatal fall. Raph grabbed Casey as he fell and safely (but not gently) brought him back to street level. As they readied themselves for another confrontation with April or rather Za-Noran…the corrupt Aeon that inhabited April's body, they heard it, the familiar metallic click, click, click of shuko spikes climbing up concrete.

"Donnie!" Mikey yelled in horror. The last they had seen of Donatello he had said he would stay at the lair to figure out how to break the crystals connection to April. And now he was drawn here like a moth to candle flame. The purple-masked turtle was too far up to hear them.

Determination spread to their limbs as they rushed to aid their brother. Donnie had no idea what he was up against; there was no way he'd be able to take on Za-Noran on his own, he needed their help.

"Donnie!" Raph yelled as they rushed towards the tv station.

"We won't get there in time!" He yelled as they saw Donnie disappear over the rim of the building.

"We certainly won't get there if we keep yappin'" Casey griped from where he clung to Mikey's shell.

"We need to get that crystal away from Za-Napril..." Mikey said before he screwed his face up a little in thought. "Or how about Ap-naron!

"Figure out the names later, Dr. Naminstine!" Raph snarled. "We need to get to Donnie!"

"April!" They could hear Donnie call out.

"Foolish mortal," Za-Ramon snarled in warning as she knocked Donatello backward. "Stay out of my way!" Donatello scrambled back to his feet again undeterred.

"April, it's me! Donatello!" Donnie called out. April's voice seemed to change softening from the hardened anger and determination of the Aeon, to fear and distress as April's voice sounded. Donnie had reached her, for a moment at least but he had succeeded in reaching her.

"Donnie?" April said her voice strained as though she was trying to fight against a force beyond her control. They had reached the roof and were climbing over the edge of the building

"Listen to me…" Donnie softly intoned as he cautiously approached the red-haired girl who was struggling against the being that was clawing its way through her mind. "Give me the crystal. Just give me the crystal and everything will be okay."

"NO!" The demon possessed red-head roared before she psychically grabbed hold of Donnie. His brother gave a strangled cry of fright as he was lifted into the air. April or Za-Noran or whoever this being was now levitated off of the rooftop before flying up towards the eye of the overhead storm, dragging Donnie with her. The feral smirk on her face screamed she intended to severely punish him for his interference.

"Donnie!" He heard himself scream as he rushed towards the aerial tower.

"DONNIE!" Raph and Mikey echoed in equal horror. Casey Jones stayed on the rooftop helplessly watching in horror as his rival and the girl they both were infatuated with rose into the sky. Donnie screamed out as he was dragged further and further into the air. Unfortunately, no matter how fast he and his brothers climbed the tower, Donnie was aways several feet beyond their reach until to their dismay they found they could climb no further.

A cold chill passed through his body as his two brothers and himself watched as April stopped where she was levitating in the sky. Donnie was suspended in the air about three feet below her. Both his second brother and the possessed girl they had all had thought of as a friend and sister were too far out of their reach. Whatever was to happen, it was obvious it wasn't good.

"We need to do something, Leo!" Mikey said.

"There…" He could feel his heart breaking at the words that he, unfortunately, had to acknowledge were true. "There is nothing we can do…"

"Come on, Leo!" Raph snarled. But there was an edge of distress that betrayed Raph's angry bravado as though he didn't want to admit that they were too late. "That is your little brother up there, you're honestly going to stand here and let gods know what happen?!"

" _What would you suggest?!_ " Was something he had wanted to growl at his red-masked brother. But instead, he sadly kept his attention focused on what was going on, silently planning out his options and crossing them out. They could use their grappling hooks perhaps grab Donnie with them and pull him to safety. No, that wouldn't work. They could end up hurting Donnie more than helping him or possibly hit April. They could attempt to jump, but Aeon that was possessing April could just move out of the way. From the looks of things Donnie didn't have his grappling hook with him, if he was allowed to fall, perhaps they could swing over and grab him. No, that's too easy, Za-noran was well aware of them, there was no way the Aeon would just give them the opportunity to save their brother. Raph sighed through his nose in frustration but his normally emerald green eyes were pained as he turned his gaze up to his immediate younger brother. The way his knuckles paled as he gripped the metal of the tower, showed he felt just as helpless in this situation as the rest of his siblings.

"Donnie…" Mikey whimpered in worry.

"April, this isn't you!" Donnie called up the girl with him. "That crystal is changing you, you need to break free!" He could feel his heart clench as a sob threatened to erupt from his chest. Even now…even when his second brother knew he would likely not survive. He was still loyally fighting to save the girl he loved.

"Donnie…" He's voice shook as he whispered his younger brother's name under his breath. He didn't want to see what was about to happen. He had seen so much sadness, so much evil, so much death in his short lifetime. They had failed to stop Tang Shen's death and prevent Karai from being raised by the Shredder, though success meant they would never exist to save the world from the Kraang in the future. They had seen Splinter murdered and the entire world destroyed before their very eyes. They had watched as someone they had grown to know as an ally sacrificed himself to correct the mistakes of his past. He had seen his brothers in dangerous situations where even their survival was purely miraculous. Raph turned into a plant, Mikey swallowed alive, he himself had been seriously wounded enough to be in a three-month long hibernative coma. Barely even two months ago, Donnie was nearly lost in an explosion, one that he had caused. Now…now Donnie's life was in fate's hands once again, and a shitty card had just been played.

In the sky above them, April was struggling against the demon controlling her. Leo wouldn't have been surprised if she knew what that monster wanted to do, how could she not? The Aeon was possibly taunting her with it

"It's too much power! I…I can't control it anymore!" April cried out as she felt her resolve slipping.

"You can do it! I know you can!" Donnie called up trying to encourage her to keep fighting. But he couldn't mistake the bite of fear in his brother's voice. He didn't want to watch this...but he couldn't tear his eyes away. What would Captain Ryan have done in this situation? Then he remembered Space Heroes episode 63, in that episode Grundch had been about to be swallowed alive by the Devourer of Hungrinian System. Captain Ryan, just turned and said that there was nothing to be done, thanked Grundch for his service and returned to the ship with the rest of his crew.

What about the SRMFF, that had to have some solution…The Princess becomes possessed by the vengeful spirit of Nekomatara and Dr. Blip wanted to save her. But was forbidden to do so because of some statute in the SRM regulations prevented it so long as was part of the team.

Okay okay, Crognard…there was nothing….

"I'm not strong enough…" April sobbed. "Donnie..., I'm sorry."

"April… please!" Donnie begged April to continue holding on. He could really hear the fright in his little brother's voice now, Donnie knew…he was about to die. Just seventeen years and this is how his life comes to an end. Mikey let out a sob of pain as the realization of what was about to happen plagued his mind.

"Keep fighting, April." The orange masked Turtle begged.

Za-Noran took control of April's mind once more holding her hand out Donnie seemed to glow with the same bluish-white light that surrounded April

"APRIL, PLEASE!" Donnie screamed out one last time in desperation as April closed her fist as though crushing something.

And then 'it' happened...

It was over in an instant, a horrible instant. Donnie was there for one last moment; his body seemed to flicker a few times and then shattered outward in a burst of purple dust. The pain he felt was like a blade had been plunged into his heart!

"DONNIE!" He screamed his brother's name horror, Raph also screamed out the same, his voice an echo of his older brothers.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Mikey howled in grief! In the sky, the girl who had taken their brothers life, let out a yell that was both a roar of triumph from a demon and a scream of anguish from a girl whose heart had just been torn in two.

Lightning struck the aerial tower sending the three remaining Ninja Turtles to the rooftop below. And rain began to fall as though the very sky itself was openly weeping for the tragedy that had just taken place.

* * *

Leo sat up in bed with a start, his chest heaving as his heart beat to the point where he felt it would burst out of his plastron. His stomach roiled as he slapped a hand over his mouth; throwing back the covers he rolled out of bed and raced to the restroom.

Entering the first toilet stall he retched the digested remains of whatever he had eaten earlier that night into the porcelain bowl before him. He panted a few times before he gagged and heaved again. When he felt the wave of nausea had passed he flushed the toilet and drank a cup of water to wash the sour taste of old pizza and bile from his mouth. Spitting the liquid down the drain he clutched the sink to steady himself as he struggled to calm the emotions that were threatening to overwhelm him.

There was nothing to be distressed about anymore. Thanks to April, Donnie was still alive and he was home safe in his room. Yet the whole thing had been so miraculous it felt more like a hopeful dream then a reality. Though the hopeful dream was far better the nightmare that had occurred barely an hour before hand.

What distressed Leo most about the past evening's events was not the fact that the gentlest of his brothers had been destroyed before his very eyes. And it wasn't the fact that the person doing the act was someone he had come to know and respect as family and member of his own team.

What bothered him most was that there was nothing he could do to prevent it from taking place. Injuries in battle were one thing because that was inevitable; it was one of the hazards of their life style. They lived by the sword and died by it, and occasionally it was possible to get seriously hurt and even die as a result. But as a team they had everyone's back in any sort of danger, they would give their lives for each other if they had to.

But this…this wasn't just his brother murdered before his eyes…Donnie had been executed. And April, no not April…Za-Noran, the Aeon just smiled in satisfaction as it happened. When they had fallen to the rooftop of the TV station, he found Donnie's eye mask left discarded next to him, the purple fabric soaked through with the rain. Numbly he picked up the sodden strip of cloth wishing to any of the holy powers that be that this was just a nightmare. Unfortunately it was both a nightmare and a reality.

So many emotions flowed through his mind as he knelt on the wet rooftop, hate, anger, sadness, remorse….failure. He had failed his brother this night and he was supposed to be the leader. A cry of anguish threatened to erupt from his chest. He had no words for what happened…no solution. Their brother was gone and nothing they said or did would bring him back. He didn't even want to imagine the look on his father's face at the news, nor did he want to imagine what his brothers would do once the shock of their brother's death lessened.

They were still on a mission. There was another…another member of their team who still could be saved. They had to focus on saving her…once the mission was over they could truly begin to mourn what they have lost.

Miraculously Donnie hadn't been destroyed as they had feared. His body had only been molecularly scattered and April the girl who had supposedly destroyed him was the one who restored him to the living. His brothers, Casey, and himself had watched in awe as numerous points of purple light gathered together creating a vaguely turtle shaped being that coalesced into the familiar form of Donatello before he limply felt to the ground. With all the grace of a newly born deer Donnie got to his feet again weakened and disoriented…but alive. April was so over joyed she had run to him jumping into his arms with a loving embrace but soon after collapsed in exhaustion herself.

Despite looking as though he would more than likely join April in the bliss of unconsciousness, Donnie had insisted on carrying April back to the lair. Leo had reluctantly chose to allow this, Mikey and Casey had taken up the task of helping Raph back to the lair, and Leo knew he couldn't carry both Donnie and April on his own. Still he did keep a close eye on his brother to make sure he didn't pass out before they reached the lair. It was only when they had reached the turn styles that Leo had gathered April from where she had rested along Donatello's back and carried her to the recessed couches in the pit. In his weakened state Donnie going down the steps with April was face plant waiting to happen.

Splinter had been glad to see each of his sons alive, a look of great relief filling his eyes. Confirming to Leo that Splinter had also felt the impact of Donatello's sudden loss though he had not been certain as to which of his sons the feeling pertained to. Leonardo couldn't help but feel eerily reminded of how Splinter must have felt all those months following the invasion. Alone for days searching the city looking for some sign…some hope that his children were alive and safe. Forced to live as an animal in order to survive in an empty city where danger lurked, and every day that passed his mind began to slowly lose any reason to remain human.

Sighing as the elevated anxiety he was feeling began to ease Leo left the rest room to return to the dorms. Resting his hand on his bed room door, his eyes couldn't help but fall on the room that was next door to Raph's. Something in his heart told him that he should check on his brother make sure he was truly alright.

Moving to the door of Donnie's bed room he knocked a couple of times to let Donnie know that someone was about to enter the room. Opening the Door his eyes scanned the darkened room until they landed on the bed. Donnie lay asleep as expected though not exactly in the most comfortable of positions. Mikey had climbed into bed with Donnie sometime during the night and had his arms wrapped around his brothers torso as though afraid Donatello would disappear if he didn't hold on with all his might. This would be sweet, however the bed Donnie normally slept in wasn't all that big. It was closer to a foldaway cot then anything else. In order to accommodate Mikey, Donnie had to awkwardly curl his body around his younger brother which left him more half way on the bed and half way off.

Shaking his head at the sight, Leo carefully disengaged Mikey's arms from around Donnie's body and carefully carried his baby brother across the hall to his bedroom and tucked him into his own bed. Closing the door behind him he returned to Donnie's room. Taking care not to wake his second brother, Leo shifted his brother's body so that he was lying in a more comfortable position and adjusted the blankets around him. Sitting at the edge of the bed Leo gently ran the fingers of his left hand down his brothers cheek. Donnie stirred in response but didn't wake from his slumber.

Leo's eyes traced every inch of his brothers face and body as though confirming for himself that this was truly Donatello and not some figment of his wishful thinking.

 _"I'm impressed Donnie, you're taking everything rather well."_ Leo recalled Raph commenting after they had filled both Donnie and Splinter in on what had occurred.

 _"Yeah, I'd totally be wigging out if it was me."_ Casey had agreed.

" _I suppose so…_ " Donnie said after a few moments. " _I'm a little shaken, but otherwise I'm alright._ " Leo's eyes narrowed in thought, but quickly dismissed it. Still he couldn't shake the feeling his brother wasn't as alright as he wanted them to believe. His brainy habitually didn't talk about his problems, but instead he would withdraw and go work in the lab. Ever since they had been in space…no before that, ever since the farm house, Leo had started to feel like his brother was drifting away from them. Not in the same way Raph had been drifting not that long ago. But at times, Leo would get this sense that Donnie was like a child lost in a dark and foreboding wood, one where people went to die such as, Aokigahara.

Leo made a mental note to talk to his brother about this when whole issue with the Shredder was done. Right now his brothers needed to recover and prepare themselves for this would be their deciding battle with their greatest enemy. That was the most important thing to do right now…at least he hoped so.

"We nearly lost you tonight, D," He softly said to the darkened room. "I failed you when you needed me most. I wasn't fast enough stop what Zanaron, from destroying you and I was so useless I could do nothing but watch you die before my eyes. I never want that to happen to any of us…never again. We will need you in the coming battle, Donnie. I will need you, please get better soon, okay." Leo sighed feeling he should be doing more as he left the room to return to his own. But only time would truly determine what sort of horror that still rested upon his family, and his brothers mind.


	2. Raph

He groaned in pain as he gazed up at the ceiling of his bedroom for what felt like the thousandth time in forever. Splinter had given him his special tea that would help soften the pain as his dislocated joints began their healing process. Unfortunately, the effects of the tea were slow acting so every muscle and joint in his body ached whenever he moved. Though it was nothing like the pain he felt when he had been he had been about to be disintegrated like Donnie had.

Grimacing in pain, he rolled his head over to the wall that separated him from his immediate younger brother. His hard emerald eyes softened as he remembered what felt were likely Donnie's final moments. His body beginning to glow as every fiber of his being was being ripped apart at the seams. The pain was almost indescribable; it felt like every injury he had experienced in his lifetime (including the limbs that Za-napril had dislocated) at the exact same time after they had been cranked up to eleven. He didn't envy Donnie for this if anything he was more distressed that this was the last thing Donnie had ever felt before… he didn't even want to think it.

He could still hear the conversation they had when everyone was filling Splinter as well as Donatello in on what had taken place.

 _"Did it hurt…when it happened?" Mikey had asked cautiously after they were done explaining._

 _"I…suppose so...I honestly don't remember…" Donnie had answered._

 _"It hurt like shell and I know from_ experience, _" Raph grumbled from where he sat on one of the pit benches next to Casey._

 _"You sure that wasn't just because your arms and legs were dislocated?" Leo had asked his immediate younger brother._

 _"No…" Donnie answered as an uneasy look crossed his face. "There was_ pain _when it was taking place and then there was just nothing. It felt every cell in my body was being reduced to atoms."_

 _"That really happened, dude!" Mikey said a clear pang of distress in his voice. "You were totally there one moment, and then 'Poof' you were gone! I thought we'd never see you again, 'D'!"_

 _"We all did…" Leo agreed. "It's thanks to April that you are even here with us. And it's thanks to Raph that April was able to break free from Za-_ naron's _control"_

Raph paused in his recollections as he heard the bedroom door across from his slam open and footsteps rushed towards the main room of the lair. Leo obviously had his own distresses about the past events and Raph didn't blame him for it. If anything the leader-in-blue would have been one of the people bothered the most by the evening's events.

Leo prided himself on being the big brother of the group, the one who was there to protect and listen to his brothers when they needed him. The one who felt it was his duty to shoulder the pain and distress his brothers would suffer in their battles and the one who would martyr himself to prevent them from harm. However, martyrdom must be genetic in their family, because Donnie wasn't given the secret nickname of Leo jr, for nothing.

Even when they had been children the four of them had their core pair ups, such as how both Don and Mikey bonded with each other in being the youngest members of the team which is why they were known as the B team or rather the 'A –' team. But there were also bonds in their very personalities, as well. He himself had bonded with Mikey and treated him like his little buddy in their day to day life. Leo, on the other hand, had bonded with Donnie in this same manner.

This dynamic wasn't as openly expressed as Raph's companionship with Mikey, mostly because Leo steadfastly tried to remain impartial to each of his brothers. As the oldest of the four of them and resident leader, Leonardo couldn't be the brother each of them wanted him to be as paying too much attention to one brother could be seen as favoritism, but not paying enough attention was neglect.

This was often a very fine line as each brother needed attention in different ways. As the youngest Mikey was rambunctious and needed to have attention from one or all of his brothers consistently, Raph being the second oldest needed to have attention in different ways as he was both a rival and foil for his older brother. Because of this, he did have a constant battle for dominance against Leonardo but also fought to keep the leader-in-blue grounded and on his toes.

Donnie was the only one of the three of them that required the least attention or appeared to require the least attention. Still, the bond between them did show itself in other ways such as Donnie being able to understand and read Leo in ways the others couldn't or how Leo often relied on Donnie's council in serious situations. And occasionally when one of the two of them was absent or incapacitated, the other suffered for it.

One could jokingly say the purple-masked turtle was Leonardo's shadow and it would feel like absolute fact. Donatello was loyal to a fault, outside of his experimentations and love for science there were two things that mattered to the brainy turtle more than anything. April, and those he deemed as his family (which also included April.) and friends, and he would willingly give his life for both.

While this was an admirable trait, this still not a behavior that was to be encouraged for good reason. For example, when Leo finally woke up from his coma, they filled him in on much of what had happened when he had been unconscious. But they didn't tell him everything... to this day there were still moments they hoped their elder brother would never have to learn about. One such thing was Donnie's behavior following the invasion.

 _After they had arrived and settled at the farmhouse, there were a number of nights where April, Mikey, and even Raph himself had watched as Donnie emotionally tore himself apart out of guilt and grief. Donnie practically chained himself to Leo's bedside citing that the first days were the most critical for life-threatening injuries. The purple-masked turtle didn't sleep a wink during any of those nights. This in itself wasn't unusual as there had been numerous nights where Donnie would go without sleep. Particularly when the situation depended on whatever Donnie could come up with for a resolution to whatever problem had arisen. Occasionally they would find him asleep in his lab reciting chemical names or the periodic table to himself between snores. And then when he did wake up he would berate himself for falling asleep and hurriedly get back to task to make up the time he had lost. During these times Leo, or Mikey, or April...somebody would bring him some food like a few slices of pizza, pasta sandwich, a piece of fruit, anything to make sure he didn't starve himself in addition._

 _But in those first weeks at the farmhouse, Donnie wouldn't sleep, he didn't eat, and barely spoke to anyone. He would be completely focused on Leo's care, excluding almost every basic need. Whenever April or Mikey suggested he take a moment to get some rest or have something to eat, Donnie would insist he was alright or that he wasn't hungry. This only made everyone more worried as it was obvious that everything was far from alright._

 _After the critical stage passed the point where they feared Leo would die from his injuries. Raph had insisted that he take over in watching their brother from that point forward._

 _"You are too wound up, Don," Raph, pointed out after they had placed Leo in the tub to keep him hydrated. "It's been days since you've actually slept."_

 _"I'm fine, Raph, I need to be with, Leo," Donatello protested._

 _"No, you need to be in bed," Raph snarled. "At this moment you are our leader, how can we trust you with our lives if you make yourself sick too?!"_

 _"I never asked to be leader…" Donnie started to say, but trailed off as he seemed to zone out for a few seconds before he shook his head as though trying to clear it._

 _"You're right, you didn't ask to be leader," Raph growled. "But we needed your level headedness to get us out of the city. Now we need you to come up with a plan for how we are going to fix all this."_

 _"We will wait for Leo to wake up!" Donnie growled back._

 _"And if he doesn't, what then?" Raph demanded "How do you think we are going to save the city from the Kraang?!"_

 _"We…" Don trailed off again a distressed look crossing his face momentarily. His eyes suddenly hardened as they turned back to his hot headed brother._

 _"If you feel you can do better than you be leader!" Donnie snapped, but then his eyes turned sorrowful as a pained expression crossed his face. " I...I don't deserve the position anyway, I'm the reason Leo got hurt in the first place if I...if only I hadn't...if only I hadn't argued with him then…" Raph suddenly lunged forward and wrapped his arms around his immediate younger brother's shoulders. The purple-masked turtle stiffened at the sudden unexpected action from his brasher older brother._

 _"Don't blame yourself for what happened, Don," Raph comforted as he hugged his distressed sibling. "We've already lost Splinter, we haven't lost Leo, yet, but we can't lose you to. Not like this...not today, not ever. I know I've given you a hard time growin' up and all this is probably rich comin' from me, but we need you, Donnie. And if Leo woke up right now, he would tell ya the same thing himself." In response Donnie lowered his head to Raph's shoulder, Raph continued to hold his younger brother comfortingly as he felt the wetness of Donnie's tears hitting his skin._

 _"I'm just so scared, Raph," The younger turtle mumbled into his brother's shoulder, "what if we...?"_

 _"Don't think like that, Donnie," Raph sighed as he lowered Donatello and himself to the cold tile of the bathroom floor, though the same fears had also crossed his mind more than once since the invasion. He cupped one hand against his immediate younger brothers head and the other he ran in comforting circles along Donnie's shell. "Everything will be okay, I don't know how, but everything will be okay..."_

Heck they had all had moments where Donnie had been hurt by them. There was the time Donnie went stupid thanks to Mikey, there was the time Donnie had been stung by one of those roided out alien bees on Dregg's planet of Sectoid 1. Both those times Donnie had thankfully recovered and was able to come to their aid when they needed it most.

Then that time when they had been at the Auman Chemical Plant looking for Leonardo, Donnie had seen something that cued him that they were in serious danger. He thought nothing about himself, his first thought was to get them out of there. The same sort of action Leo would have done if he had been with them.

"If we hadn't gone looking for you, Donnie wouldn't have been blown up!" Raph remembered snarling at Leo when their older brother had appeared demanding to know what had happened. He couldn't forgive Leo for it either, he was so angry he wouldn't even look at their older brother. They were a team and a family, they were supposed to be together. And Donnie had gotten hurt because Leo had wanted to act on his own...again!

And more recently Donnie had gone after him with that dorky mutant gecko that Mikey had befriended so they could convince him to come back home. And when they were being attacked by Don Vizioso's goons, Donnie still refused to leave Raph behind even just to get help. Something Leo also would have done for any of his brothers.

Raph winced as his joints surged with pain for a moment, the pain was duller then it had been the last time he felt it though meaning the tea was beginning to work. That in itself was good...though the pain of this evening would never truly go away.

He remembered clambering over the side of the Channel 6 building with his brothers and Casey. Just in time to see Donnie psychically lifted into the air before April flew off into the sky dragging Donnie with her.

"DONNIE!" Leo screamed out his brother's name before he raced to climb the television aerial in a vain attempt to come to the purple-masked turtles rescue. But even when they reached the top of the aerial, Donnie was still too far beyond their reach.

"What do we do Leo?" Mikey asked their brother urgently.

"There…There is nothing we can do…" Leo answered in a tone that screamed that he didn't want to come to this conclusion.

"Come on, Leo!" Raph snarled in helpless frustration."That is your little brother up there, you're honestly going to stand here and let gods know what happen?!" Leo closed his eyes and grit his teeth as though he wanted to shoot something back, something cutting. But instead he kept his counsel, opening his eyes again, he returned his focus to the brother that was suspended feet above them. His eyes calculating every possible move they could make and immediately rejecting it when he assessed the likelihood of failure.

Raph sighed through his nose as his eyes also traveled upward. If Leo couldn't figure out what should be done, then things were really really bad. His fingers clutched the aerial tower so hard that they started to match the color.

"Donnie…" Mikey whimpered softly. Raph wanted to reassure his little brother that everything would be alright, but he didn't want to say something he couldn't guarantee.

When Donnie's death happened it was over in a single painful incident. Donnie's body remained suspended in the air before it shattered into thousands of pieces like glass hitting the pavement.

"DONNIE!" Leo screamed out his younger brothers name. Raph also heard himself echo his older brothers anguished cry.

"NOOOO!" Mikey screamed out. April roared out in triumph as a bolt of lightning struck the aerial tower sending them falling to the roof. Raph recovered quickly and looked up at the sky, his eyes narrowing with anger and sadness as he noticed that April was nowhere in sight.

"She's gone!" He growled, but his tone softened as he turned to the remaining members of his family. Everything felt so confusing. It felt unreal that Donnie was gone...just 17 years and their brainiac brother was gone. "What do we do, Leo? What happened? Is...Donnie gone?" Leo didn't answer in words. The leader-in-blue couldn't even look at the rest of his family. He just remained kneeling on the rooftop holding Donnie's mask in his hands. The blue-masked turtle glared at the sky with rage, which quickly dwindled to sorrow as Leo let out a sigh... just one exhalation of breath full of self-loathing and failure and continued to cradle Donnie's mask in his lap. It was the only proof, Raph needed as he felt his heart break.

"Poor...Donnie…" Casey softly said, his voice hollow with shock over that had taken place.

"Wait, dudes," Mikey said as he looked up, a gleam of desperate hope in his eyes "maybe 'D'...maybe he was teleported back to the lair."

"Mikey…" Leo started to say.

"No," Mikey insisted fervently, "Donnie can't be gone, he has to be here!"

"I'm sorry little brother," Raph said as he shook his head sadly.

"We all want to believe that Donnie is alive...but…" Leo started to say but found he couldn't bring himself to finish. A hitch in his voice indicating that he was trying to keep himself together emotionally.

"I...I've only given him a hard time," Raph said guiltily. "If I could do things over again, I'd be a better brother. I'd listen to him more, tease him less…"

"We will mourn for Donnie later," Leo said with conviction as he stood up, pocketing their fallen brothers mask in his shell. "We need to save April."

"Come on, Leo," Raph said angrily, "If Donnie's gone, there is no point in saving April. She's probably gone too."

"No!" Leo growled back in a tone that made it clear that he was anything but in the mood to argue. "Donnie was able to get through to her, it was only a few moments but maybe it's still enough to help her fight the Aeon. We need to help her break free of that crystal…It's what..." Leo closed his eyes sadly a moment but quickly opened them again with a look of determination. "It's what he would have wanted, I won't see two members of my team lost this night."

They fortunately didn't need to look very far as they found her trouncing some of the Purple Dragons.

"You can't do this April...or Za-noran, or whoever you are!" Leo shouted at the possessed girl. April simply regarded the three Turtles and human boy that surrounded her indifferently.

"Do not stand in my way," April warned as he spoke with the voice of the corrupt Aeon. "Or you will be cleansed just as Donatello was!" April suddenly gasped and struggled as though she was waging an internal battle with herself.

"We have to stop her!" Leo barked to his team.

"But what if April is still in there!" Casey said worriedly.

"What are you kidding me!" Raph snarled at his human friend, as much as he hated to admit it. He didn't see any way April could be redeemed from this. She was fighting the Aeon, but it was a losing battle. He didn't want to have to slay April and it wasn't a decision he came to lightly. But this Aeon, Za-noran or whatever it called itself was trying takeover April's mind and it would destroy everything she was in order to do so. It would be better if she was struck down while she had creature distracted then let her be completely enslaved by a demon. "I don't like it...but, April O'Neil is...gone! We've no choice, we take her down!"

Without a second thought, Raphael rushed forward and grabbed hold of April using all of his strength to restrain her. The girl struggled in his arms so fiercely it was difficult to hold on.

"Do it! Hurry!" He yelled to Mikey. He didn't want to give his youngest brother this horrible task, but he was the only one with a weapon that could land a hit that could take April down, it had to be this way. Mikey had to look past his soft heart and see this was the only way to save April. In response Mikey readied his Kusari Gama, but unfortunately he lowered his weapon as he looked away a second. When he looked up, his bright blue eyes were conflicted with determination to save a friend, but filled with grief at what they have already lost.

"I can't hurt her, dude," Mikey stated with remorse. Unfortunately for Raph, this hesitation was all Za-Noran needed to take control of April once more as she threw him off. Raph yelled as he felt himself thrown through the air until he felt like he was grabbed by an invisible hand. Another unseen force grabbed hold of his arm and legs. His limbs were painfully in unnatural directions as he felt his joints being pulled out of their sockets. April laughed with cruel pleasure at the pain she was causing him until Mikey's Kusari Gama chain was bound around her.

He felt himself fall at least ten feet to the ground and landing painfully the hood of a car before rolling the asphalt. Casey was at his side in an instant.

"Hang on, bud," The human boy whispered as calmly as he could manage "you'll be okay." He then looked up at the young woman that Leo and Mikey were desperately trying to restrain. "We know you're in there red!"

"We're your friends! Your family!" Mikey added to Casey's statement hoping that their voices and their conviction could somehow help give April the strength to break free from the Aeons control.

"Remember who you are! You are April O'Neil!" Leo yelled as he also tried to bring April back from whatever dark corner of her subconscious that she had been tossed into. "Remember everything we've been through together!"

"Yeah," Casey chimed in. "Remember when we fought a giant "Mutagen Man" and our dope Missions in space!"

"And Master Splinter, and pizza parties," Mikey added "and Ice Cream Kitty..."

"NOOO!" Za-Noran roared as she broke free from the chains binding her sending Leo and Mikey flying backward. Casey jumped up defensively before he was knocked aside as April rushed to finish what she had started.

Raph felt himself lifted three feet of the ground as an odd tingling like pins and needles passed through his body, but this sensation quickly surged to indescribable levels of pain. It felt like he was being ripped apart and crushed at the same time. He knew he was being cleansed, cleansed from the face of the Earth like Donnie had been.

Wait...Donnie… Leo had said Donnie had managed to get through to April for a moment. The memories that Casey and Mikey had suggested were too small, they were all memories that Donnie was present or had association with. Perhaps...perhaps...Raph didn't have time to second guess himself as the pain reached a crescendo he barked out the words "Remember...Donnie!"

 _"You were totally there one moment, and then 'Poof' you were gone! I thought we'd never see you again, 'D'!"_

 _"We all did… It's thanks to April that you are even here with us. And it's thanks to Raph that April was able to break free from Za-naron's control"_

~No, Leo…~ Raph thought to himself. ~It's thanks to Donnie that April was able to break free from that Aeon's control. I only told her to remember Donnie."

Raph did admit that he had been dubious about Donnie's feelings for April at first. Okay, it was funny to seeing the resident genius of the group become idiotic over the red head, particularly when it was a good opportunity to tease their brother about his infatuation.

Though it also got annoying at other times such as when he would make the mistake of calling her a pet name that would have been endearing…if they were more than just friends.

Fortunately Donnie didn't often repeat his mistakes with April and even the time she had been apart from them and the inclusion of Casey did help temper his brother's obsession with her.

And yet, no matter how many times Raph looked at it, the only result he could see would end with Donnie becoming heartbroken and he didn't want to see that…let alone be a part of it.

 _"Wait, you still think you have a chance with April?"_

 _"Well I...um…"_

 _"Man, that's adorable...and sad...it's sadorable. Next time you want to go and try to impress April, leave me out of it!"_

 _"Say, does April ever talk about me?"_

 _"It doesn't matter if she did…besides you know how Donnie feels about her?"_

 _"Whatever man, I don't even like her anyway."_

 _"Right…"_

He had even gone so far as to take things up with April on one occasion.

 _"April…" Raph had said as he approached her during one time when she was returning to her apartment after spending an evening in the lair. "You're probably aware that, Donnie has…an attraction towards you. If it's bothering you at all, Leo and I would be willing to talk with him..."_

 _"Thanks Raph," April said with a smile. "I appreciate your concern, but I am also capable of letting him know if he's bothering me. Majority of the time 'D' means well, and he is aware when he does cross the line."_

 _"Well, just a word of warning," Raph cautioned "Donnie may have a strong shell, but he still breaks easily. Whatever you do, don't lead him to believe in something that he can never have… I don't want to see my brother get hurt."_

And even later at the farmhouse.

 _"I don't know about Big Foot having a crush on Donnie," April sighed with concern as she hung out the bedsheets out to dry on the clothesline, Raph was beside her assisting her with this task. All the while the two of them watched the large female Sasquatch swinging in the chair swing with Donatello seated next to her. Her long legs pushing against the ground causing them to swing higher than the chair was meant to go, a large blissful smile spread across her ape like face. Donnie on the other hand was clinging for dear life to the swing looking painfully like he would need an air sick bag in the next five to ten minutes._

 _"Maybe it's a good thing," Raph shrugged as he also watched what was going on._

 _"How can you say that?!" April demanded,_

 _"Look at it this way," Raph explained "Remember when Donnie first started crushing on you and how uncomfortable that made you feel? Now, he's getting a taste of his own medicine."_

 _"I wasn't that uncomfortable with it." April commented as she watched Donnie less than willingly getting dragged off somewhere. "I mean, I am the first female he's ever met and consider a friend, and the same is true for her. When Donnie and I were tending to her injury she said something I didn't quite understand. From the sound of things she was saying there was a man who was trying to hurt her, so Donnie is the first man she's met that has actually been nice to her. I suppose it's only natural she would be attracted to him. But her heart would only be broken once she realizes Donnie doesn't like her in the same way."_

 _"And what about you?" Raph asked. "When Casey and I arrived at your apartment, you ran up to Casey and said "I thought I lost you forever?" in front of Donnie. Both Mikey and I were there to see it."_

 _"Oh that," April realized, her eyes looking away from the green eyed Turtle guiltily. "I was...I…"_

 _"You were what...?" Raph demanded, a clear note of anger and disappointment in his voice. "I had told you not to lead him on."_

 _"It's not what you think…" April tried to explain though there was a pained tone in her voice. "I know how Donnie feels about me, but it's not something I can deal with right now. He is someone who matters to me, but Casey matters to me too. Unfortunately choosing one means hurting the other and I don't want to do that."_

 _"Chose...don't choose...it's up to you." Raph said as he picked up the empty laundry basket. "But both Donnie and Casey deserve an honest answer, not a run around."_

And then after Bigfoot had left to return to her life in the woods, Raph had glanced out the window of his room when he was heading downstairs for breakfast and noticed Donnie outside talking to April. He couldn't hear what was being said, but he could tell by his brothers stance and expression that he had come to a painful conclusion about his relationship with April. The humanoid girl glanced away a moment, before she said something to him. Getting up on her toes she placed a light kiss on Donnie's mouth before turning and walking into the house, leaving a confused genius behind her.

Raph had felt his knuckles clench in anger, he had warned her about leading his brother on. And even now when Donnie himself had seemingly chosen to end things, she had the audacity to string him along like a "geek on a leash". He didn't address it because he didn't want to jump to conclusions about whatever was being discussed. But he couldn't forgive April for continuing to skirt the issue.

Even now, April had made no moves about acknowledging where their relationship truly was. Though it did seem that things had stabilized between Donnie and April. The two of them forming a platonic sibling like relationship and no matter who April had feelings for. It was her history with Donnie that had given April the strength to break free from the Aeon crystal. So perhaps...there was hope after all.

Raph could feel his eyes start to droop as the sedative portion of the tea began to work it's magic. He could vaguely hear Leo stop by Donnie's room, most likely to check on their brother before returning to bed. The red-masked turtle couldn't help but smile at this, as much as Leo could be a pain-in-the-shell, he still was their caring big brother.

There was a sound of Mikey's bedroom door being opened and Leo's feet shuffling into it with something heavy. An obvious sign the smaller turtle had felt the need to be with Donatello at some point. The smile on Raph's face faded to a ghost of itself. Mikey prided himself of being a comforter to all his brothers as needed. But the teddy bear act was just a front for Mikey to seek comfort in times of distress such as now. Donnie was someone Mikey looked up to not just as a brother, but as a best friend. If Donnie had been lost to them, Mikey would no longer be the plucky little brother they all knew. Something in all of them would have been destroyed, but for Mikey, that something would have a serious impact on his happy-go-lucky personality.

When Raph was injured, Mikey would be concerned but he would still make cracks at his brothers expense. When Leo was in his coma, Mikey could feel the absence left in the family but he still took things in stride, encouraging the hope for a better tomorrow. Even when Splinter supposedly died after falling down that hole in the under city with the Shredder, Mikey still refused to dwell on the negative even when it was glaring them in the face.

But when Donnie was hurt trying to get them out of the chemical plant after it blew...Mikey just went quiet. He didn't laugh, smile, or say anything to anyone. He just sat quietly with a lost look on his face as if he had been told that he would never have pizza ever again.

A frown replaced the smile as he heard Leo re-enter Donnie's room once more.

 _"I'm impressed Donnie, you're taking everything rather well,"_

 _"Yeah, I'd totally be wigging out if it was me."_

 _"I'm a little shaken, but otherwise I'm alright."_

 _"I'm a little shaken, but otherwise I'm alright."_

 _"I'm a little shaken, but...I'm alright."_

Raph's eyes drifted to the ceiling of his room once more. Something about Donnie's statement bothered him. While Donnie hadn't been killed off...not literally like Splinter had been in a former point of existence. For the span of an hour, he was essentially dead. There was no sane person alive who would just get up and walk away from it like it didn't affect them.

Perhaps this was like his phobia about bugs months ago. After visiting Sectoid 1, Raph had felt he was over his fear of insects and it would never bother him again. However it manifested itself differently when he saw the bug mutants that Stockman had created. How had Splinter put it…?He wasn't over his phobia, he had been "Shell-shocked". Perhaps that was what Donnie was going through...perhaps he was only "slightly shaken" as he claimed and would become more affected by these events later.

As he drifted into the peaceful bliss of sleep, Raph's last thought was that in time Donnie would require someone to guide him back to himself. Otherwise the gentle hearted genius they knew would truly be gone.


End file.
